the agony booth

Channel Description:

Latest Articles in this Channel:

10/16/11--01:00: Franchise Evolution: The Punisher (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“Folks, if you’ve seen this movie, you know that a costume alteration is the least of its problems.”




10/22/11--01:00: Donnie Darko (2001) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“Mr. Mendo is back to take on yet another overrated indie film: Donnie Darko, the needlessly obtuse story of a schizophrenic boy, the 6-foot rabbit that visits him in the night, and the jet engine that falls on him. Also, there’s some stuff in here about time travel and the end of the world. And Patrick Swayze is a child molesting motivational speaker. This synopsis makes more sense than the movie.”




10/28/11--22:49: Shocker (1989) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“This time on Terror Obscura, it’s 1989’s Shocker, director Wes Craven’s failed attempt to create a film franchise to rival his own Nightmare on Elm Street series. In it, a high school football player (played by Friday Night Lights director Peter Berg) faces off against an executed serial killer (a scenery-chewing Skinner from The X-Files) with the power to jump into the bodies of other people. Berg is forced to pursue him from body to body, across the broadcast airwaves, and eventually through all of television. But more importantly, there’s a cameo by John Tesh!”




10/29/11--23:05: Hack-O-Lantern (1988) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“Just in time for Halloween, Cecil brings us Hack-O-Lantern, the tale of an old man (Hy Pyke, the bar owner from Blade Runner, which is enough to get him top billing here) who tries to initiate his young grandson Tommy (Gregory Scott Cummins) into a devil-worshipping cult. Come for the satanic killing spree, stay for the incest and the heavy metal music video randomly dropped into the middle of the movie!”




11/05/11--22:37: Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“‘80s pop princesses Debbie Gibson and Tiffany are down in the ‘Everglades’, trying to out-bitch each other by creating giant pythons and alligators. Eventually, the two middle-aged teen queens put their differences aside to save Miami from a reptile apocalypse, in this amazing sci-fi-horror-action comedy that manages to completely fail in four genres at once!”




11/09/11--21:11: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - "H.A.T.E." (Orig Aired Dec 04, 2004) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“In his continuing quest for Saturday Morning Glory, Ryan watches Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Not the ‘80s series, but the 2003 Nickelodeon version that was more faithful to the original Turtles comics. But as the third season episode ‘H.A.T.E.’ proves, being more faithful isn’t always a good thing. In a story lifted from Vol. 1, Issue 12, the Turtles go up against an inept pseudo-militia group intent on nuking New York City. Meanwhile, the writers accidentally (one assumes) drop in a sitcom plot where April deals with her visiting mother-in-law. Wacky hijinks—and attempted genocide—ensue!”




11/15/11--22:48: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.”




11/21/11--01:18: Top 10 Bad Movie Taglines (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

In this installment of Good Bad Flicks, Cecil examines an affliction that can strike both good movies and bad movies: terrible slogans getting slapped on the poster by clueless studio marketing departments. In this video, Cecil counts down the 10 worst one-line blurbs ever used to sell a movie!




11/23/11--00:10: Star Trek - "The Alternative Factor" (Orig Aired Mar 30, 1967) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“Right now, I feel like a character in an H.P. Lovecraft story, driven mad, just waiting for the mutant fish people to come for me.”




11/27/11--17:46: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“Fear Fan looks at the fifth installment in the Nightmare on Elm Street series, where Alice (one of the survivors of Part 4) learns that Freddy wants to return to the real world by invading the subconscious of her unborn baby. Witness Freddy’s nun-rape origins, a nerd getting terrorized inside a comic book, death by overeating, and a special appearance by Baby Freddy!”




11/30/11--21:05: Antichrist (2009) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“Chaos reigns as Mr. Mendo takes on Lars Von Trier's Antichrist, with the help of a very special guest, the Lecher Bitch herself, Diamanda Hagan! Watch as a grieving couple retreats to their cabin in the woods, in the movie that shocked Cannes with graphic depictions of genital mutilation, hardcore sex, talking foxes, and naked Willem Dafoe!”




12/05/11--21:05: Tangled (2010) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

It’s the debut of Red Suitcase Adventures, where your host Sofie Liv explores both the good and bad in popular films!

In the first episode, Sofie digs into the global phenomenon that is Disney, and looks at their recent attempts to get back to basics by releasing new old-school material, the latest of which is the 2010 fairy tale story Tangled.




12/07/11--08:28: Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“The only way I can explain the following scenes is that someone sat back and thought to themselves, ‘You know what this film is missing, aside from a coherent plot, convincing threat, steady tone and Megatron? Dick jokes and gay jokes. That’s what we need!’”




12/09/11--08:43: Fear (1996) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

In this episode, Cecil watches Fear, starring Reese Witherspoon as Nicole, a young girl stalked by her psycho ex-boyfriend Mark Wahlberg. Despite the pedestrian plot, the movie is wall-to-wall wackiness, thanks mostly to Wahlberg giving a hilariously over-the-top performance. Watch as Marky Mark finger-bangs Reese Witherspoon on a roller coaster! Watch as he gives himself a NICOLE 4 EVA tattoo with a ballpoint pen! And in the end, nature will take its course... so let me in the fucking house!




12/12/11--21:37: Franchise Evolution: The Godfather (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“The thing is, when I see a sacred cow, I get really hungry for a burger!”




12/16/11--00:28: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - "Over a Barrel" (Orig Aired Mar 25, 2011) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

Ryan risks the wrath of the Bronies by taking on the show known to many as the scourge of the internet, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! Despite being outside the target demographic (or is he?), Ryan keeps an open mind as he watches the adventures of six magical talking ponies in the land of Equestria, in one of the show’s weaker outings, “Over a Barrel”, a misguided attempt to teach kids about the horrors of Manifest Destiny—only, this trail of tears is not covered in tears, but apple pies!




12/20/11--22:01: Santa with Muscles (1996) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

It’s an Agony Booth Christmas Special as Cecil watches Santa with Muscles, starring Hulk Hogan playing against type as a rich buffoon, who falls down a trash chute and starts believing he's Santa Claus. He decides to help out some hapless orphans (among them, Mila Kunis) in danger of having their home demolished by evil germophobe Ed Begley, Jr. A mainstay of the IMDb’s Bottom 100 list for over a decade, is it possible Cecil enjoyed this one? Watch and find out!




12/26/11--23:59: Batman Returns (1992) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

Join Mr. Mendo and special guest Sofie Liv as they take on Tim Burton’s Batman Returns! The two Joel Schumacher-directed Batman films have been thoroughly dissected on this website, but is it possible that Tim Burton’s entries in the franchise were just as silly and nonsensical? Mendo and Sofie find out!




12/30/11--16:25: Top 10 Vampires (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

While you count down to 2012, join the Fear Fan as he counts down his list of the top 10 greatest vampires in movie history. With some obvious choices (Max Shreck) and some not-so-obvious choices (Pee-Wee Herman?), one thing’s for sure: none of these vampires sparkle!




01/03/12--21:57: Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987) (chan 1479638)

In a nutshell:

“Come to think of it, James Earl Jones does go through the entire film looking like wants to Force Choke someone. And I can sympathize.”